Marriages can be great and very rewarding, but they can also be hard. Too hard sometimes. Throw mental illness into the mix, and it can seem like it’s not worth the effort.
To be honest, there are periods when I don’t want to work on our relationship. I want him to do all the work and meet my needs and understand that I just can’t meet his right now because I have so much on my plate! He needs to appreciate that I’m at least giving him my leftover time! So many others need me, and I’m being torn in so many directions with so many emotions!
During one season, I tried to be super volunteer, super friend, and super mom—all of which made me a not-so-super wife. Volunteering is good, but I was overdoing it. My friendships were important, too, but they took precedence over my husband. As for being “super mom”, I was certain that I was the only one that could ___________________ for my children. Sure, I probably could help them better than others could, but others could also help them if only I’d let them. Finally, I needed to make better choices about “self-care”. Yes, some things—many things—had to give.
In the end, I needed to make my husband a priority. It wasn’t hard to do, but it took focus…
Taking short but meaningful walks in the neighborhood. Sending him encouraging texts for no reason or slipping notes into his lunch. Going for an ice-cream cone at McDonald’s (think “cheap date”) and sitting and talking about our dreams or hopes. Intentionally asking how we can pray for each other. Choosing to not talk about our kids. Knowing his love language and loving him in that way.
Intentional. Proactive. Focused.