Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Finishing The Journey Takes...

Walking a marriage path together takes two willing hearts, but trekking to the end takes one more companion.


At the five-year mark, our adventures seemed endless, and the sun shined bright on our small family.  At the fifteen-year mark, our calendars were crazy full, and heartache frequently knocked on our large family’s door.  At the twenty-five-year mark, each day brought more questions than answers, and the unthinkable seemed both certain and imminent.

Now past the thirty-five-year mark, we’re still together.  By all accounts, we shouldn’t be, but we are.  And we will be ‘til the end.  A part of our Twenty-fifth Anniversary Renewal Vows tells why…

    “Twenty-five years ago, I committed myself to you in Holy Matrimony before God and his witnesses.  On that day, I promised to love you and to honor you.  I promised to stay with you in good times and in bad.  I promised to be yours until death separated us.
    “Now twenty-five years later, even though I still have no idea what the future will bring, I stand here because God is good, because ‘we’ is more important than ‘me’, and because a promise is a promise.”

“A promise is a promise.”  That sounds cliché, but it’s been the glue that’s held us together despite all the things that burden most couples, plus a few that wear only on couples with special needs kids.

Most people know that the stresses, distractions, and failures facing a ‘special needs’ couple are greater than those facing the average couple—that’s why the divorce rate among them is higher than the national average.  And that’s why it takes a commitment to something greater than our desires, our strength, and even our faith to make it to the end.

For me and Ann, long stretches of detachment plagued us.  Years of grinding through chaos and confusion and conflict created calloused hearts that didn’t beat anymore.  Cold, disconnected tones and words and stares and touches piled high.  We know what the brink of divorce feels like.  But while we never said, “It’s over!”, our hearts and minds have been there as surely as any other couple who’s reached the end of their road.

Thankfully, we haven’t been alone on our journey.  On our path, that promise has been our constant companion.  It’s carried us so many times beyond our selfish selves to a place where we could see each other from God’s vantage point.  It’s even given us glimpses of our family far down the road, showing that while choosing ‘me’ over ‘we’ might eliminate today’s problems, future generations might experience heartache as a side effect.

Just as important, the promise continues to remind us as Christians that our marriage reflects Jesus’ commitment to his bride, the Church—“I will never leave you!”  And since we’re his representatives to a world that often needs to ‘see’ before it ‘believes’, the promise kept speaks volumes far beyond the walls of our home.  It says: “There’s more than just ‘me’ and more than just ‘now’—and there IS a kind of love that transcends both.  Come see!”

The Bible says: “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”  Whether that third strand is Jesus or just the promise, it’s difficult to make it to the finish line without it, especially when the road is full of disappointments and distractions, temptations and turmoil.

No one ever planned for divorce at the altar—they began their journey with ‘finishing’ in mind.  So, learn what it takes to finish.  Make the promise your companion, and lean on it.

Daily.

Hourly if necessary.

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