Walking a marriage path together takes two willing hearts, but trekking to the end takes one more companion.
At the five-year mark, our adventures
seemed endless, and the sun shined bright on our small family. At the fifteen-year mark, our calendars were
crazy full, and heartache frequently knocked on our large family’s door. At the twenty-five-year mark, each day
brought more questions than answers, and the unthinkable seemed both certain
and imminent.
Now past the thirty-five-year
mark, we’re still together. By all accounts,
we shouldn’t be, but we are. And we will
be ‘til the end. A part of our Twenty-fifth
Anniversary Renewal Vows tells why…
“Twenty-five years ago, I committed myself to you in
Holy Matrimony before God and his witnesses.
On that day, I promised to love you and to honor you. I promised to stay with you in good times and
in bad. I promised to be yours until
death separated us.
“Now twenty-five years later, even though I still have
no idea what the future will bring, I stand here because God is good, because
‘we’ is more important than ‘me’, and because a promise is a promise.”
“A promise is a promise.” That sounds cliché, but it’s been the glue
that’s held us together despite all the things that burden most couples, plus a
few that wear only on couples with special needs kids.
Most people know that the stresses,
distractions, and failures facing a ‘special needs’ couple are greater than
those facing the average couple—that’s why the divorce rate among them is higher
than the national average. And that’s
why it takes a commitment to something greater than our desires, our strength,
and even our faith to make it to the end.
For me and Ann, long
stretches of detachment plagued us.
Years of grinding through chaos and confusion and conflict created calloused
hearts that didn’t beat anymore. Cold,
disconnected tones and words and stares and touches piled high. We know what the brink of divorce feels
like. But while we never said, “It’s
over!”, our hearts and minds have been there as surely as any other couple who’s
reached the end of their road.
Thankfully, we haven’t been
alone on our journey. On our path, that
promise has been our constant companion.
It’s carried us so many times beyond our selfish selves to a place where
we could see each other from God’s vantage point. It’s even given us glimpses of our family far
down the road, showing that while choosing ‘me’ over ‘we’ might eliminate today’s
problems, future generations might experience heartache as a side effect.
Just as important, the
promise continues to remind us as Christians that our marriage reflects Jesus’ commitment
to his bride, the Church—“I will never leave you!” And since we’re his representatives to a
world that often needs to ‘see’ before it ‘believes’, the promise kept speaks
volumes far beyond the walls of our home.
It says: “There’s more than just ‘me’ and more than just ‘now’—and there
IS a kind of love that transcends both.
Come see!”
The Bible says: “A cord of
three strands is not easily broken.”
Whether that third strand is Jesus or just the promise, it’s difficult
to make it to the finish line without it, especially when the road is full of
disappointments and distractions, temptations and turmoil.
No one ever planned for
divorce at the altar—they began their journey with ‘finishing’ in mind. So, learn what it takes to finish. Make the promise your companion, and lean on it.
Daily.
Hourly if necessary.
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